Thoughts About Graduate School

This is the second week of my graduate school life. It’s a good time to reflect upon a few of my experiences.

It’s certainly beyond my expectations. I thought it would be difficult but not this difficult. When I was reading for my advanced microeconomic theory class, I thought I was reading French. The whole book is filled with new mathematical language. All the summation signs, inverse triangles, big U signs, became real nightmares to haunt me.

I read the book laboriously but could only understand the title. I understood the gist of the lecture but was lost most of the times. I sought help from professors and they were supportive. They assured me that my experiences were not abnormal. Graduate school is tough for everyone. It’s tougher for me because I had less background in math and am taking 19 credit hours instead of the standard 12. My statistics professor assured me that I would be all right because of my work ethic. It is true that many materials do not come as naturally to me as those math majors. It is also true that when I don’t understand a concept, I go back and ask questions. My curiosity and dedication compensate for my lack of backgrounds. My professor said that even though I lack some tool boxes at the moment, my work ethic is so strong that I’ll catch up no problem.  We will see.

Another thing that caught me off guard is how little community there is. Graduate students are very different than undergrads. In the first few weeks of undergrad life, people want to make friends and hang out. Graduate students are very busy. A few of them have worked before and they know that this one year is just to make them more marketable. Knowing you or building a friendship never seems to have crossed their minds. I am fortunate that I know a few of them before this year so that we can form study groups and support one another.  I am also glad that I have a supportive girl friend and many good friends on campus. I need the community to learn well.

The last unexpected thing was self doubt. My professor told me that it’s normal for students to ask themselves why they chose graduate school in the coming months. Using his words, “Students often ask themselves: did I volunteer to put myself in this situation?” He told me that it was normal. When my professor was in his first year of graduate school, he even contacted his former employer to see whether his job was still available. He said that there were 22 students who started in the PhD programs but only six finished. I did not want to be one of those dropouts, but he told me that a lot of them were a lot smarter than he was. Those people found something else to do. It is OK for us all to question ourselves. I am asking myself this same question. While it is normal for students to ask this question, they don’t normally doubt themselves in such early stages. I asked my professor for advice and he told me simply: “Martin, you are a good man. I give you one pieces of advice: do what you are best at doing.” This is certainly an economist’s thinking.

I AM OLD NOW>>>>